The Road Less Traveled

It has been so long since I traveled down the road of guilt and shame, that I almost forgot what the energy felt like.  It took me only a few minutes to recognize the power of it though.  The self loathing, the sickening feeling in my gut, the sadness in my heart, the desire to crawl under a rock and stay there until I withered away... and I ask, "All of this nonsense for what?"

The answer is pretty straight forward and simple, really.  I allowed (yes, me, I allowed) someone to pull me into their emotional and self-centered, demonizing foolishness.  I played into it - hook, line and sinker.  Not that the person had any idea that I went there, nor did they intend to pull me in, but wow, it was an eye opener for me.

The event(s) that were the basis for all of this nonsense? Ailing family members. It is within the context of these events that I would like to address something about relationships - whether these relationships are with yourself, your siblings, your parents and grandparents, your friends and last but not least, neighbors, strangers and foes, they are relationships.  In my mind's eye, relationships are generally a two way street - you know, where there is a mutual exchange of energy back and forth to keep the relationship moving forward - however you deem that relationship good, bad or otherwise.

I have relationships with people that I have known and loved for many years.  I don't see them every day, nor do I talk to them all the time but we ALWAYS enjoy each other's company when the opportunity presents itself whether we talk frequently or not.  There is no expectation of anything other than love.  The love is shared with the warmth of compassion and expression of gratitude that this person is in your life and vice versa. No labels, no guilt and no shame.

When we create relationships that have expectations attached to them, it would be exceptionally helpful to those involved to know what the expectation is.

My world was rocked and I became a player in the lunacy of life because I did not live up to the secret expectations of someone else and their seriously single-sided, viewpoint of life.   I love my family, whether we talk all the time or not and no one is going to tell me that I don't because of their view points.  We all have a responsibility to each other while we are here on this earth.  I choose to live my life in positive energy with love and light.  I am sorry I got pulled in and after much contemplation, meditation and prayer, I was quickly reminded how silly ailing family members can make others feel.  I send them all love and light!